My Heart is Full


Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23:6


Two weeks ago an amazing man of God asked me to marry him, and my heart is so full.

Literally everything felt perfect. He is a better man than I ever dreamed of. His proposal was better than I would have planned. He is a better man than I ever dreamed of. My parents MARRIAGElove him. He is a better man than I ever dreamed of. There was even a videographer there. Did I mention that he is pretty great?

All these things are amazing. But they are not what is filling my heart. Don’t get me wrong, I am so incredibly grateful for Austin (my fiancé) and everything he is.


As a five year old, I developed a knowledge of Jesus. I knew all the Bible stories and had been told over and over again in five-year-old language that He wanted to be my “forever friend”. But what does that really mean? Once I started asking myself that question an overwhelming feeling of “I have got to have a relationship with Jesus” came over me. It was not something I convinced myself of. Its like he was telling me that without him, I would always long for something more.

I was five. And yet Christ was faithful to show me His pursuit.

As I grew in Him, He continued to show me that He will never stop pursuing me even though things of this world would fade. Yet I still tried to get away. I searched for satisfaction in worldly things like body image, boys, popularity, and possessions. I cared more about what people thought of me and how they see me than I cared about how I represented Christ. And I have to admit that I often times still do.

But he continues to chase after me no matter how much I spit in his face through sin. There is no man who can ever be that faithful! I love Austin. He is, in my opinion, the best kind of husband there will ever be on this planet. He is kind, he is loving, and he is whole heartedly seeking Jesus.

I have been so immensely blessed to get Austin as my future husband. Yet Austin is a fleeting human being! He is a person who can at any point, change his mind or even be taken from this earth.

Jesus is the only man that will ever pursue me eternally.

Eternally. My b27b9f5b6-a39e-4870-84bd-ad500b345e8frain does not even wrap around that.

Ephesians 5 commands us to love and respect one another in marriage just as Christ loves the Church. Marriage is a picture of Him. Marriage is something he gives us to show us a little more of who He is and how He loves us. He does not have to give us that example. We do not need to know what His love for us feels like even a little. But He does.

So yes. In this moment where my flesh is so prone to make everything about me. Where my desire is to be filled with the fleeting things of this world, Jesus, in his continuing pursuit, is showing me just a small taste of His Being.

This pursuit is exemplified in the book of Hosea, which is the beginning of my next mini series we will dive into.

I hope you choose to continue reading over the next few days about how strongly he chases after us even when we try our hardest to run away. I can never perfectly describe His love. I can never reincarnate His love in my own marriage, but I am so excited to take part in the beautiful example he provides for the rest of my days.


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